new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize