ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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