the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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