Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
40s are totally the cure
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
