did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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