just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
