her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I cockslap morals
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
