i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
