Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
