Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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