So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
