I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The ass gains better be worth it
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