I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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