Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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