Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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