the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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