8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
