Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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