Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
