is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
