So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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