my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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