You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
