I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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