i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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