Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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