Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
