Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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