If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
