Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
