You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Let's paint friendship bongs
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
