How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
