i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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