I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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