i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
