i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
