I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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