We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
