Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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