I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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