How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
