So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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