dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
is it fun? or sober?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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