no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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