Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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