The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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