either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
