so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
