Your mouth is God's brothel.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
