I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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