drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Still dying that you shit outside
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
