matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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