I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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