After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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