hotel room ftw
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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