need another drink. this is the easiest way
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
