Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
