You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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