Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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