Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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