The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
