Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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