You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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