This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize