Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
