I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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