i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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