Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
