i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
