constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
