he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
